arleehayes
Gabe: There are plenty of people who love touching me.
“Erin, listen to me. You shouldn’t rush into this at all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful, and you are fun, and you are smart. And when the right guy comes along, you’ll know it. You will. And you know what? You don’t need a mom, because you have my number and you can call me anytime.”
doctorr | heka / … / via sheburnsaway
“The world sends people your way. Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is, you just have to play with the cards that you’re dealt. Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my king up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That’s easy, give me a hard one. That’s what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam’s a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably like, a two. But sometimes twos can be wild, so watch out. I am obviously the joker.”
“Toby is the instruction card you throw away.” LMAO.
Michael: Everyone, may I have your attention. I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. He is going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. Say hello to Danny!
Kelly: Fuck me.
Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon - sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it is good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on the grill, and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.
The Office (US) 2x12, The Injury
